JOKES

These days I don't know what's higher...my phone bills, food prices, gas, or me.

Q: How do you know you are a true stoner? A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!*********** Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"********** Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? A: Double jointed. **********Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers ? A: Malnutrition. ********** Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? A: Because pot holder was taken. ********** Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed? A: Neither did I.********** Q: What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard? A: A Joint Family. ********** Q: What do you call a stoners wife? A: Mississippi ********** Q: What does marijuana and the Carolina Panthers have in common? A: They both get smoked in bowls. ^^^^^^^^^^ Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet? A: A joint in each hand! ********** Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high ********** Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they're all in HIGH school. ********** Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in Mcdonalds? A: A baked apple pie. ********** Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana ********** Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A: A baked potato. ********** Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green! ********** Q: What do you call a stoner when horny? A: A weed wacker! ********** Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexican stoners? A: Baked Beans. ********** Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? A: Wave. ********** Q: What did the frog say after lighting up? A: Don't Worry be Hoppy. ********** Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ? A: A pot belly. ********** Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse. ********** Q: How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ? A: When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter. ********** Q: How do you know your a pothead? A: You studied five days for a urine test. ********** Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President. ********** Q: What does a mermaid smoke? A: Seaweed. ********** Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios? A: He thought they were donut seeds. ********** Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock? A Liar. **********Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt? A: A pot hole! ********** A stoner calls the fire department and says, "Come quick my house is on fire!" The Fireman asks "How do we get there?" The stoner says "DUH, in a big red truck man!" ********** Q. How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A. I don't know! ********** Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie? A: Put it in his work boots. ********** Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners ? A: Politicians don't inhale...they just suck. ********** Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? A. Homeless. ********** Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The cop! ********** Q. Why did the stoner cross the street? A. His dealer lived on the other side. ********** Q: How do you hide money from a hippie? A: Put it under the soap. ********** Q: Did you hear about the midget that got baked? A: He could finally hold his head up high. ********** Q: How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb A: Who cares man, its to bright in here anyway! ********** Q: What do you get when you eat too many hash brownies? A: A pot belly ********** Q: Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? A: He was too far out, man! **********Q: What is a stoner's favorite dream? A: Getting so high he can eat a star. ********** Q: How did the pothead burn his ear? A: He answered the phone while ironing his clothes ********** Q: Did you hear about the stoners who were planning to rob the medical marijuana shop? A: First they had to case the joint. ********** Q: Did you hear about the guitar that got baked? A: It was highly strung. Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree? A: Hold out a joint! ********** Q: What do stoners put on their spaghetti? A: Legalized Marinara. Q: What do you call a fly on marijuana? A: A High Flyer.



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